Tuesday, July 26, 2005

What is the weight about??

My weight has been an on going struggle for as long as I can remember. I'd lose it all, and then I'd gain it all back again because of the hideous lifestyle change. Lack of stability has been getting to me for the longest time and now, it's killing me. Anyways, back with my weight issue. Even though I gained 20 kilos in the past couple of years, I've lost something on the lines of 5 kilos ever since I came to Syria. I find that quite good since I'm on a diet and I've been seriously walking all over the place.

With that said, done and still on the go people are still giving me a hard time. I have no idea why? ok, yes, I do agree I need to lose the weight hence I'm on the stupid diet and trying to walk as much as possible. People don’t see that and don't want to freakin hear about it. They see me and they're like "ohhhhh you've gained weight" "Ohhh it's not good for your health." "Ohhhh your size is large now" "Oooooh, you need to lose weight" "Ohhh, you're ass is huge now" etc etc etc... I heard it all. It's driving me crazy. I try to tell, them," People, I know and I'm doing something about it. I've already lost weight and I'm still on the go of losing some more." I have no idea what exactly do they hear when I say that. It's like instead, they hear that I'm gorge a Black Forest with one hand and a hamburger with another hand as I drink a chocolate milkshake in front of me, 6 meals a day, every day... Then they'd say, "no but you need to lose weight." HELLO DAMN IT!!!!! DID YOU HEAR WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID?!?!?!?!

There's that, then there are people who try to say that I know jack crap and they know it all. They tell me that my way will end up as failure and I need to become a marathon runner in order to lose the weight because it worked for them. What part that I already lost 5 kilos and I'm still losing weight, they didn't get? What part of that I know how my body works and that once upon a time, I made myself lose 20 kilos in a couple of years on my own??? Why do people need to butt in other people's business that they have nothing to do with?

I've heard it all and I'm working on it and I'm losing the freakin weight, just leave me the hell ALONE!!!! Even for people who are aren't saying anything about my weight directly they have to say something about my diet. "Who on earth diets in summer when all the fun and joy happens???" I’m thinking, why should food be a joyful activity? Food is there as a necessity not to have fun with it. It's like I'm not allowed to live a healthy life style and still I'll never hear the end of it when I don't. What the hell do I need to do to keep these people away? Isolate myself? It's so hard to ignore because people throw comments left and right without thinking. I just wish I can be selectively deaf.

Another thing that seriously gets to me as well is my uncle's wife. She keeps telling me, you are beautiful but you need to lose weight because the mothers won't look at you. I'm like why do mothers need to look at me anyways. Well, that's a whole different story. I'll post on another post later on. I refuse to use that as an inspiration to lose weight. I want to lose the weight for me, to feel healthier, to feel good about the way I look, to feel good at the accomplishment I've done.

Now, I've taken a new step in losing weight. I've gone to a nutritionist because I'd like to lose more weight in healthy way without killing myself and to keep me grounded and not ahead of myself. I'm determined to lose the 25 kilos the proper way for the proper reasons. So wish me luck...

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