Wednesday, September 08, 2010

What's next...

Reality hit me. Even though I do have enough money to spend on the magical trip I've been planning but, it might leave me broke afterward. So I decided to get me a job, it'll be a freelance job but it'll be fun because I'll have my own office and my own computer and I'll be working far away from distractions and it'll help me make more money before I do get to travel. Plus, I've decided to cut my travels short because I felt I can do much more than I expected here in Syria. I'll be taking classes at the masjid and maybe do some work for the masjid as well.

Plus, maybe I should also do try to get me a visa to the US and see people I'd love to meet up with. We'll see how all of this would go. I'm canceling out Cyprus and Malaysia most probably. I still am not too sure about Malaysia.

I'm still waiting till my parents come from the UAE and settle here in Syria. My dad wants to live at the coast and I cannot see myself moving 3 hours away from Damascus where my work and study will be and all the loved ones. They can live there but I'm not moving.

One thing I've done that I haven't done in ages is actually read a book and finish it. The best part is that I finished the whole book in 2 days. I simply couldn't let go of the book once I started. Farheen Khan's book, Behind the Veil is one of the most amazing reads. It was very inspirational. I think what helped me finishing the book is that she's one of my really close friends in Canada. Whatever it is, it help me break the bad habit of not reading. I really would love to read a whole lot more... I seriously need to get inspired and be more knowledgeable to be able to go on my next step of this path of awakening.

I want to change my life upside down. I want to be a much better person that I am. I want to be more positive. I want to be more inspired, and I want to inspire. I want to get healed and I want to heal. All that with the grace of Allah. Without Him nothing is possible. I just want to be at peace and spread out the vibe of peace around me.

Eid Mubarak to all...

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Transiting in Abu Dhabi

It was time to go, leave the house where I lived in for the past year. It doesn't matter much though. I never really felt like I'm at home because I live with husband's sister in Law who's also a cousin of his. She has 3 adorable kids even though they can be a handful. They're 2 girls and 1 boy. I grew very attached to the oldest, Tabina. We have a lot in common and we have lots of fun playing, singing talking etc...

When it was time to head to the airport Tabina just broke my heart, she was vigorously crying. It broke my heart to the degree I cried. This whole thing is very saddening because she has to deal with a loved one leaving every few months since her father doesn't live with them but in the US. That's a whole other topic. I'll probably mention it later in my posts. Let's just say that American Immigration is just too rough.

One the way to the airport, my husband and I picked up one of my closest friends that I got to meet while working with MuslimFest. Shakera is one those people you've love to be around all the time. She's very passionate, loving person who is very down to earth and who is definitely reliable. She'll do anything for you and to top it, she does it with a gorgeous huge smile.

At Peason Airport in Toronto, she surprised me with something I seriously wasn't expecting at all. She actually got me a VERY rare white abaya that she told me about months before. The irony is that I was looking for a white one and dropped it on my lap. I was touched by her gift. The great part is that the abaya fits perfectly. I just have a hard time finding something that fits me properly.

Now that I'm in Abu Dhabi after a 12 hour flight, I have to wait another 10 hours for my next flight to Damascus. I got me a hotel room at the hotel and I'll be sleeping like a baby till then even though it cost me an arm and a leg. My parents offered to pay and I'm not going to deny that offer especially when it's seriously needed. The problem was that since I am no longer a Emarati resident, I can't go out without a visa in advance and my parents can't come in to the transit section of the airport. So I guess, a few more weeks isn't that bad compared to the 2 years that already passed without seeing them. Thank God for free phone though.

I'm heading now to the hotel room, to simply rest, have dinner then sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Gosh, I'm dizzy. I can't remember when is the last time I got this tired. The funny thing is, I actually like the feeling. :)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

New Journey to a new life.

It's been ages since I've written and that's because I didn't feel my life was going anywhere and it was just plain boring to write about and I have been living in my lowest I've been in years. Alas, InshaAllah all this will be taken care of because there's only soooo much one can take without taking charge of their own life.

A little over 2 years ago, I got married. I thought this finally lead me to settle because I've been moving around from different US states to different countries in different parts of the world for the past 10 years or so. I was wrong, my husband is even less settled than I am and so I feel I'm completely lost because now I have to worry about another as well as me. To top it he's not exactly the easiest person to get along with. Nonetheless, I did marry him for the right reasons. His heart is in the right place. He's can be gentle and affectionate. He is a practicing, God fearing man. We just are having difficulties because we're not settled and he's been out of job since he's been out of college last year.

We've been living together in Canada for a little over a year and before that we were in Los Angeles. For that whole year in Canada I've been on a extended visit visa and it expires tomorrow. Tonight, I'm heading back home in which I haven't been in for 2 years. I terribly miss home and I'm all excited. The only problem is, when I leave Canada, I have no idea when I'll be able to come back. It all depends when I get my Permanent Residence Card from the Embassy in Abu Dhabi, where I grew up. This might take another year or it might take a couple of months. So only God knows how long I'll be away from Canada. It's more than ok though. I need a break from everything around and be around my family who are my strongest support group I have and I'm thankful for having that.

Tonight, I'm ready to travel back to my home country Syria. From there, I'm planning to take a long journey around the area. Syria, Turkey, Cyprus, Malaysia and then lastly Egypt. Of course I'll probably go to Lebanon to meet up with friends as well. It'll be healing process. I want to document the journey of finding myself again because ever since I got married, I don't know who I am anymore. I've gotten so used to being alone and taking care of myself, not answering to anybody at all.

Well, this is just an intro of what I'll be writing about in the next year. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I believe this is normal since I'll be separated from my husband and my new life in Canada and back to my old that I've let go for marriage. We'll see how it'll go.