Tuesday, June 27, 2006

What now?

Every experience comes with a lesson but I still haven't figured this one experience out yet. When I first started out in my current job I was beyond ecstatic. It was my dream job I've ever imagined. Everything was going great. My boss was the greatest, the nature of my work was amazing, the timing was just the best. I couldn't ask for better.

Now I can't help but wonder. I moved from the UAE especially to get that kind of job here in Syria. Since I was freelance and I've been not doing anything for over a month sitting at home doing nothing. Right before that I worked on an amazing and fun project. Most of the time before that, I'd be at home doing nothing. I didn't travel to live alone, do nothing and get no paycheck at the end of the month. This is getting to be a seriously frustrating situation. If I'm not productive and actually accomplishing something, I'm not going to be a happy person.I am the kind that needs to see that my work is making some sort of difference in the world. When I feel I'm stuck going nowhere, I go crazy and freak out. Being unemployed and unproductive is out of the question.

One of things that I despise is sitting doing nothing. I feel useless and worthless. All my insecurities come bursting out. It's actually physically painful. I can't even sleep well at night. I know this might sound like I'm exaggerating but I'm not.

I have no idea what to do next. I have a choice to go back to college for year to get my BA. I even applied for a job in the same college, maybe I can work and finish my studies, so I won't lose any time on getting working experience.

Since I didn't get to go to Egypt a few weeks ago, I still need to go there to check out work and Insha'Allah (If God Permits it) I'll be able to start my career there as either a musician or Audio Engineer or anything in the field. I know people there that might be able to help me out to at least know where to apply. That's the least I ask for.

We'll see how all this would go. I just need prayers and good positive vibes from all people that care. I desperately need it.

I pray for guidance.
I pray for solace.
I pray for assurance.
I pray for strength.
I pray for faith.

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